The pressure was starting to mount from the up and coming grading. I was training as hard as I could, whilst trying to deal with the pressure of the situation with next door. I felt I had nowhere to go from all the anxiety and was constantly in a state of fight or flight.

I would alternate between worrying about the grading and worrying about whether we could last the course with this gang of thugs until we got our court hearing. I would go to bed scared and wake up scared. It was a nightmare.

The grading was my choice. It was an effort to better myself, to further my career and to see exactly how far I could go and how much courage I had. The situation next door was not my choice. I was at the hands of another human beings lack of code, honor of integrity. I would be damned if I would let either of the situations beat me, dominate me or finish me off.

However, we would sometimes be lying in bed in the early hours of the morning and could hear the thumping of music from next door. Their pattern was sleep all day and party all night regardless of the people living around them and anyone who had work to do and a family to look after.

It was becoming increasingly harder not to involve the ‘right type of people’ to put a stop to this but I put such thoughts out of my mind and instead concentrated on my grading.

I started to watch some videos Geoff had sent me showing his lads in various fights. They were awesome. I knew  soon that I was going to have to fight some full contact bouts with some of them.

I remember thinking “For the love of God! Is there anymore pressure anybody out there would like to put on me? Please, this isn’t enough pressure! I need more than the threat of drug dealing gangsters and the chance I may have my sense knocked out of me, on a day trip to Coventry!”  Yes, I am sarcastic even under immense pressure.

We were sat one Sunday about three weeks before my grading and it got too much for me. I was well aware that not twenty yards away was a house full of thugs, pumped up with drink and drugs, who at any minute could explode into a hail of violence. There was the usual muscle cars parked out front, music blasting from inside and the high pitched screams of girls, doing God knows what and taking God knows what. Please may God help them.

My house was now secured with weapons strategically placed at all the right points and I was fitter, stronger and mentally tougher than I had ever been in my life.

It still didn’t mean that I wasn’t feeling it, but I sure as hell wasn’t showing it. Not for anybody but Julie to see. We sat on the sofa and she gave me a cuddle and held my hand. Tears flowed (mine, not hers) and I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t have to, she just knew. She was my soul mate, my best friend and the person that knew everything about me, from my thoughts to my feelings. The more astute amongst you readers may now have gathered that I was starting to fall in love with her (sorry, couldn’t resist a poor attempt at humor!) J

They say that it is dark before the light and this was the darkest I had ever been. I didn’t know though how near, and how bright the light was going to be.

The trip to Coventry was a long one. I had started the morning throwing up caused by nerves and bullying myself (how ironic) into not backing down or ‘bottling it’.

At every point I wanted to turn back and found it difficult to speak. I forced myself to focus and consoled myself with the fact that not many people make it this far. I knew today was the day I fought the monsters. Geoff’s lads had a fearsome reputation and I was going to experience firsthand what it was like to be on the mats with them, throw hands with them and feel their force.

We arrived in Coventry and were met by two of Geoff’s lads who took us to Coventry Boy’s Club where the grading would take place.

When we got there, there were five of Geoff’s fighters waiting. They are animals on the mat and gentlemen off it. These lads treated me like a superstar. When I opened the boot of my car they leaned in to carry my bags.

“No, no need for that!” I said embarrassed.

“Not at all, go on get inside, we’ll get these for you” I was told by Matthew. Doors were held open for us and I was pointed in the direction of the changing rooms. They shook hands with Julie and took her to the room where we would fight, (me and them, not me and Julie. Sorry another bad humorous attemptJ) The room was a large second floor matted area.

“Geoff will be here soon.” I was told.

I nodded and didn’t mind the wait. Geoff had already told me that he was filming a video for a major magazine that day, so the fact that he took time out for me was a major honor.

Justin, a current European All Out fighting Champion (now known fashionably as ‘Ultimate Fighting) offered to help me warm up with a roll around the mats and grappling fight. Jesus, warm up! I was knackered at the end of it he was so strong.

Other lads offered encouragement and advice and I loved them for it. God knows I needed it. After about half an hour, Geoff arrived and immediately came over and hugged me.

“Are you ok?” he asked.

“Yes, just nervous”. Inside I was shaking but didn’t even want Geoff to see it. Geoff took a training session first and put everybody through some grappling drills. I was flattered and had my confidence boosted when Justin commented on my strength on the ground. This was followed by Geoff rubbing my shoulders and offering a similar compliment.

These guys do not offer them lightly or to flatter. They mean what they say and I knew this at the time which gave me a hell of a lift.

 We then got onto the submission wrestling drills and the strength and ability of these lads was fantastic. I managed to get one submission but lost almost every other fight. Just when it seemed I had a decent choke or lock on one of them, they would roll out of it to place a submission hold on me. I take my hat off to them.

I have seen many good fighters, from Traditional Karate, Boxing, Kickboxing and most of the other combat sports. I have also fought and beaten many good fighters from the same sports but these guys where in a different league. I couldn’t get near them.

After about half an hour of grappling, my muscles felt like they were on fire. I still had to do the full contact kickboxing fights and go through full contact punch and kick drills on the focus pads.

After my pad work was finished I grabbed a quick drink and it was time for the fighting. Two fighters, Justin and Lee were told to put their pads on and everybody else left the room to get a drink. Now, I’ll share a secret here. I had watched Justin fight in the videos Geoff had sent him and was in awe of him. I had been praying that he wouldn’t be one of my opponents so when he was told to stay, I very nearly bottled it.

However I didn’t and listened as Geoff gave me a pep talk in which he told me that I would have to earn my 2^nd Dan and not just get it because we were friends. I didn’t want it any other way. I had come too far for that and I felt we both had too much integrity to bluff it. I had seen gyms/dojos that threw belts at people for money, just so they can in turn open a club and make their Instructor richer. It is dangerous and unethical.

Geoff then told me that I had to ‘survive’ the grading to pass. If for any reason I gave up or couldn’t continue because of injury then I would have to come back and complete the grading at another time, or I would fail.

I would not give up, I knew that much. I had come too far and had to much to lose to give up. This was my Frank Bruno versus Mike Tyson (and we all not what happened to Mr Bruno, as brave and courageous as he was!).

My first fight would be against Justin. As we came on onto the mats, we touched gloves and off we went. For a few of rounds I felt comfortable and was throwing some nice kicks and punches, holding my own and looking, as I was later told by Geoff ‘class’. And that’s the last thing I remember….

In the debrief afterwards I was told that Justin threw a spiteful” wicked hook and knocked me cold out. What happened next is still lost on me to this day, save for a few snippets here and there.

I have been told that I was “out” for about a minute and put in the recovery position. Julie told me Geoff rubbed my back and talked to me bringing, me around. I stood on wobbly legs, totally out of it. Geoff asked if I wanted to go on. There was still a lot of fighting to be done, many rounds to be completed.

I nodded “Yes, I’m ok”. What the f**k was I thinking?! Luckily, to this day I still don’t know, but I do have to be honest, I think if I had called it a day there and then, and waited to continue the fighting another time, I wouldn’t have gone back.

I had trained too hard, suffered too much and waited too long for this. Plus, pure and simple, I’m not sure if my bottle would have taken me to another trip just a couple of weeks later. For me, it takes along time to train up to a grading and it’s even harder to get my bottle up for it. It takes me months to batter my negative inner voice into submission and I have to start the positive thinking well in advance. To go back a couple of weeks later would be a bridge too far. I’d never get myself up for it. I had to do this today and so off we went again.

I don’t recall what happened next but I do remember taking an incredible front kick to the stomach and went down again. I was in agony. Up I got and tried desperately to clear my head and get something going of my own.

I knew I had good skills but just couldn’t seem to use them No excuses, I was being outclassed, but in my favour I was damned if I was going to stay down. I was hit from pillar to post and then time was called. The fighters were switched and I was up against Lee. It was his turn to batter me!

I vaguely remember clinching him to stop his powerful head shots but I was so tired I couldn’t keep hold of him. In the background I could hear Julie and Justin shouting encouragement but I was starting to come apart. I wanted to stop. I started to wave my hands to signify I’d had enough.

“No Simon, come on, just another thirty seconds!” someone, I don’t know who, shouted. I was just half a minute from the end of the fights. I gritted my teeth and hung on, trying to kick Lee away.

“Time!” Geoff shouted, signifying the end of the bouts.  The next thing I know I was standing by Julie and had no recollection of the previous morning or the events or of where I was.

 I asked Julie where we were. I was looking for my Dad and couldn’t understand why he wasn’t in work on a Saturday.

“It’s Thursday love, we are in Coventry”. Julie answered, worried. Geoff looked on concerned.

“I think I need to go to hospital”. I said with panic setting in.

“Do you remember just doing your grading Si?” Geoff asked.

“No, nothing. I don’t remember anything much. Julie take me to hospital”.

“Simon, don’t panic, you are alright, you have just had a nasty shock. Come on get dressed” Geoff’s voice was comforting. Still dazed, I started to undress by the window in full view of the street below until Geoff and Julie pulled me away. They helped me with my clothes. And then I wanted to know.

“Did I pass?”

Geoff nodded and laughed “You’re alright then!”

I was delighted, tired and confused. We went down to the canteen where again, I was treated like a prize fighter. Tea was made for me, my bags were carried and I was given words of praise by the guys there. This had to be one of the most pivotal points of my life, one I will remember forever.

I couldn’t believe a skinny little kid from years ago, who thought getting his yellow belt meant he could conquer the world, was…well right! I had conquered my world. I had stood toe to toe with some of the finest fighters in Europe, if not the World.

I had faced demons I couldn’t imagine, not just the guys I front of me. I had beaten fear, persevered through months of waking up with it at my bedside waiting to accompany me through the day. I had sat with my head down the toilet, sick with nerves, my inner voice telling me I didn’t have to do this, my heart urging me on, knowing that if I was ever going to make something of my life, that I did indeed have to do this. I had held my own, my nerve and now my head held high. I no longer had to prove anything to anyone, least of all myself.

After a short, much needed break from training, I was at it again. Full contact was a regular part of my regime. Personally, for me it was a great confidence booster and a way to test both my skills and character. But I didn’t really feel the need to test myself anymore, not at this time anyway.

I started to question whether I should really be doing this much kind of training and looked for signs that would tell me I had had my time. Boy oh boy did God give me a sign…………



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        Dipping Your Toes In The Water
£9.99 +p&p


Below is a chapter from 'Dipping Your Toes In The Water'.

    
                   Coming in Sping 2011;
          
 A lot of people have asked me how I became what I am. How certain things in my life formed me. What events took place in my life to lead me to write this, the sequel to “From Bullied To Black Belt”. Hopefully there are answers here, even though some of them are raw. See me as you wish. I am seen as a father, I am seen as a fighter. I have been called weak,  I have been called a warrior. Perhaps I am, and have, been both.  All is in the eye of the beholder. I’ll leave you to judge. Enjoy your read.