If you have never had a panic attack (and I hope you haven’t), you may not get this article, so to help you on your way, imagine the biggest fright you have ever had. Now imagine that fright staying with you for at least half an hour, though it is more likely to be most of the day.
I believe there are two types of panic attacks. One brought on by stress, a bad day at work, trouble at home, or concerns for your daily lifestyle. These are perhaps the easiest to deal with as they are tangible. We can attach our anxiety to something, we know why we feel anxious. It is because of A, B, or C.
Then there is the other type. The type that comes from nowhere, nothing we see or feel brings it on. This is the type I woke up to today. Now admittedly, I’m going on three hours of sleep at night, usually inhabited by nightmares. Last night’s feature film had Julie and I discover a three-year-old girl, abandoned by her parents. I held her to comfort her whilst Julie got help, but without warning she jumped out of my arms, plummeting hundreds of feet before splatting open on a railway track below, all whilst I watched on. Not a good night’s sleep, but nothing really out of the ordinary for my over-worked mind.
So I was alarmed when I woke up to find my body screaming with adrenalin. I could think of no reason for this episode, none that I could see anyway.
My beautiful wife brought breakfast and tea in bed and looked resplendent in a new hairstyle she was trying. My two dogs jumped on the bed and smothered me with sloppy kisses. I remembered that last night we had a new business venture become a possibility and my film project was moving forward. My kids were healthy, one was on holiday in Paris, the other two thriving at life and yes, England had made it to the Euro finals. Haha.
It was with effort I made my way out of bed into the garden, and trained in full view of the Menai Straights, the Great Orme and Snowdon, and the fresh air was invigorating, and yet still the panic ebbed away at me. The point I am making about my lifestyle is that there was nothing on the horizon to suggest I should feel this anxious. I just did. It was a completely physical reaction to something I could neither see nor hear.
I forced myself to slow my training down and to take deep breaths afterwards. It helped, but not a great deal. In the end, I did what we should all do during a physical panic attack. Accept it, let it flow. It is unpleasant, it is frightening, and it can break your rhythm.
When I came back in the house, my lovely girl did what she always does. She made sure I was okay and did I feel better yet?
My answer was an obvious but simple one.
“Not yet, but I will. It will pass.” It always does. Please my fellow panic attack suffers, take solace in that. “This too shall pass.”
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